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Chinese-profile-sample-male-english

CHINESE ASTROLOGY PROFILE SAMPLE PRINTOUT ENGLISH – FOR MAN

For: Bill Clinton
August 19, 1946 – 8:51 AM
Hope, Arkansas
Calculated for:
Standard time,   Time Zone 6 hours West
Latitude: 33 N 40 01
Longitude: 93 W 35 29
Positions of Sun at birth is 26 deg 00 min of Leo

Report and Text Copyright 2005 Suzanne White
The contents of this report are protected by Copyright law.
By purchasing this report you agree to comply with this Copyright.

WHAT IS CHINESE ASTROLOGY?

Like our own western astrology, Chinese astrology uses twelve different signs or symbols to define twelve basic categories of human being. Similarly to western astrology, the Chinese system uses a person’s birth date as the basis for his sign, so in some ways the two systems are alike. Now, let’s have a look at how they differ.

Our own astrological signs are monthly. Each of our signs has a different heaven-inspired mythological name and corresponds to a period equivalent to a single Sun cycle. If you were born in the Sun cycle period labeled Aquarius, then in western astrological terms you are an Aquarian. Chinese zodiacal signs are yearly. Each Chinese sign has a different animal name and corresponds to a period equivalent to an entire Chinese calendar year. If you were born in a yearlong period which the Chinese label the Dragon Year, then in Chinese astrological terms you are a Dragon. Simple? Yes.

Chinese astrology is so simple that you need only know the year of your birth to find out which of the twelve signs is yours. But there is one tricky aspect to consider. The Chinese New Year falls on a different date every year. This holiday can occur as early as mid-January or not until late February. If you were born in either January or February, that is, if you are either Capricorn or Aquarius in western astrology, you need to know whether you were born before or after the Chinese New Year. This interpretation has calculated that information for you.

The Chinese animal symbols are: Rat, Ox, Tiger, Cat, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog and Pig. These animals always appear in the same order. Since the beginning of recorded Chinese time, 2637 B.C., the animal sequence has recurred faithfully every twelve years. It always begins with the Rat and ends with the Pig. And to make things even more convenient for us Twentieth-Century Westerners, 1900 was a Rat year. That means that the next Rat year was 1912 and 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984 were all Rat years. Anybody born in any of these years is a Rat.

Chinese astrology, in one form or another, was widely used all over the Orient from the fortieth century B.C. It became especially popular between 2953 and 2838 B.C. under the Emperor Fu Hsi and again under Shen Nung, who was born in the twenty-eighth century B.C. The zodiacal system and its philosophies as we know them today were codified by Ta Nao, an able minister of Emperor Huang Ti, born about 2704 B.C. It was made official in 2637 B.C. and was formally inaugurated, as were other historical events, at the sixtieth anniversary of the same popular Emperor Huang Ti’s accession to the throne. For forty-six centuries thereafter, this system was used as the national standard and touched on all state affairs in China.

People born in Pig years are all somewhat naive and hate to say no; Rats are aggressive and talkative; Dogs loyal and ardent, Snakes altruistic and attractive; Dragons healthy and noisy; Horses independent and pragmatic; Goats dependent and creative and have no sense of time; Oxen slow and eloquent; Tigers rash and magnetic; Cats flee conflict and love tradition; Monkeys are entertaining and give lots of presents; Roosters are resourceful and bossy and adore clothes.

YIN AND YANG

Yin and Yang are the two main opposite but equal Chinese philosophical forces. The power of Yin is sometimes interpreted as passive, female, docile, receptive and society-oriented. Conversely, the Yang energy is said to be aggressive, male and socially indifferent. To the Chinese, everything in life is either Yin or Yang, and the trick to achieving harmony is knowing how to balance Yin and Yang so they operate in synergy rather than clash.

According to Chinese thought, any circumstance in the universe – a rainstorm, a night of love, a child taking its first steps, a wobbly bedstead, a frantic phone call, a dish of steaming pasta, a traffic accident, a dancing bride and groom or a washing-line in the sunlight – is the direct result of an energy balance or imbalance between Yin and Yang.

THE FIVE ELEMENTS – WOOD, FIRE, EARTH, METAL, AND WATER

To allow for movement to occur and bring about change, Chinese philosophy calls upon the five elements as agents of change and reaction. Change, the Chinese think, derives from the influence of the five main elements – Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal and Water – on the basic Yin or Yang energies. Like in the old rock, paper, scissors game, each of these five Chinese elements has the ability to control and/or destroy the previous element, and is capable of producing the element that directly follows it. In the regenerative cycle of the elements, Water engenders Wood. Wood begets Fire. Fire burns to Earth. Earth creates Metal and Metal gives way to Water.

Wood is characterized by the color green. Wood heralds the beginning of life, springtime and buds, sensuality and fecundity. Wood’s influence affects the liver, the gallbladder and, by extension, the digestion. Wood needs moisture to thrive. Its two opposite yet equally emotional forces are rage and altruism. The Wood person will be expansive, outgoing and socially conscious.

Wood, in its turn, can create and nourish Fire. Fire’s signatory color is red. Fire is hot weather, satisfaction of nature, aridity and dust. The tongue and the small intestine are the centers of attention in the Fire person’s body. Fire makes heat, which either warms or burns. The Fire person must constantly seek to balance a tendency to explode and possibly destroy, against a desire to create coziness and warmth. Passionate by nature, this impatient, ebullient person must strive to keep his flame under control.

Earth is created from the ashes of the Fire. Now we are in the soothingly satisfying late summer cycle. Earth’s favorite color is yellow, which represents the equanimity between beginnings and. endings. The weather of Earth is mild or temperate. In the human body, Earth influences spleen, pancreas and mouth. Earth’s two opposite but equal forces which need to be kept in constant balance are enhancing and smothering. On the one hand Earth gives care and allows for growth and improvement. On the other, Earth buries roots and snuffs out breath. Earth people are gifted for fairness and have the ability to commit themselves to protracted projects and complete Herculean tasks with ease. They must struggle against a penchant for worry.

The Earth grows Metal in her veins. Metal says white and autumn. Metal is cool, crisp weather. Metal’s effect on the body centers in the lungs and respiratory system. It only secondarily rules the large intestine and the nose. Metal people like to communicate. They need to keep discord and harmony in constant balance. Metal signifies the onset of winter. Its influence can sometimes add sadness or gloom to an astrological chart. Two of Metal’s emotional forces are melancholy and romance. I see Metal as Wagnerian. Metal people must guard against a tendency to wallow in nostalgia.

Lastly, Metal begets Water – groundwater trickling its way through layers of the Earth’s core. Water’s color is blue. Its season is full-blown winter. Water is always moving, fluid, and mutational. In our bodies, water’s influence affects our plumbing systems, the kidneys and the bladder. The ear, too, comes under the spell of Water. Hence people born in Water-ruled years are frequently musical. They pick up on everything. Be it good or bad, they never miss a vibe. Water-ruled creatures are always very sensitive and sometimes even mentally fragile. The downside of Water’s influence, then, is a stressful nervousness. To balance that fidgety, squeamish, overly sensitive side, Water endows its subjects with the noblest quality of all, kindness and sympathy. Sometimes too permeable, the Water-ruled must take precautions against drowning in the chagrin of those they see as less fortunate than themselves.

So, the five elements cause the commotion and are responsible for creating and maintaining both balance and imbalance – for moving things around and making life interesting. These purveyors of change can be controlled or not, depending on how one manages them.

Each animal year of the Chinese zodiac has been assigned one of the five elements. The elements each turn up twice in the cycle going away for another ten years. The five elements are always presented in the above order. Once we know this, we can understand how the elements directly affect us and pertain to individual characters.

The elements work by governing each animal sign once through the sixty-year “century” You will not come across a Water Horse more than once in sixty years. This fact alone accounts for sixty different basic character or destiny types. Further, when a learned Chinese astrologer draws up a chart for an individual person according to the Chinese astrological system, he takes into consideration the month and the season, the time of day and the type of weather on the day of birth as well as certain astral configurations at the moment of birth. In all, good Chinese astrologers deal with a base of no less than 512,640 different possible personality charts. This means that only two people in a million stand a chance of being born with identical destinies.

YOUR CHINESE SIGN

DISQUIET DOG,

Man’s best friend indeed: you are honest, faithful and sincere. You give real value in return for affection. When you’re in a good mood, you are an agreeable companion. To know you is to love you, except when you let go with a brutish comment or snap sarcastic zingers at us poor unsuspecting bystanders. You own a fierce bark that makes even your most ferocious bite seem painless.

But you selflessly redeem yourself. You believe in justice for all and willingly take up worthy causes and bear weighty crosses against unfair practices. You respect tradition and value honor. You take real pleasure in helping a senior citizen cross a busy street. In life’s big western movie, you definitely wear a white cowboy hat.

A finely honed critical sense allows you to sniff out deceit and track down fraud. Trouble is, this flair for truth is so keen that it sometimes causes you to wax pessimistic. Terminal disappointment and even depression may ensue.

At a tender age you will begin to notice that the world is a very unfair place. You’ll get involved in crusades and seek to right basic wrongs. Try to surround yourself with amusing people whose optimism and joie de vivre helps you maintain your own equilibrium. You will need a compassionate, understanding life partner. Marry up with a carefree Tiger, a fantasy-loving Horse or a cozy, reassuring Cat.

Try not to be so painfully righteous. Accept compromise. Curl up here by the fire and dream of better days.

THE DOG ID CARD

Lasting symbols have special powers. Enhance your self-image by surrounding yourself with tangible signs of your own identity and make these symbols known to your friends and loved ones. Use them daily and they will bring you luck, security and a feeling of personal worth.

YOUR BEST

Your best color is turquoise, flower is the calendula, fragrance is balsam, tree is cherry, flavor is meaty, birthstone is ruby, and lucky number is 9.

YOUR FAVORITE

Your favorite food is meat pie, animal is the dog, drink is strong coffee, spice is clove, metal is lead, herb is marjoram, and musical instrument is the guitar.

THE DOG IS YIN. THE DOG’S MOTTO IS: ” I WORRY.”

When all is well and the sheep are safely in the barn, you are attentive, well meaning, helpful, warm-hearted, altruistic, modest, devoted, philosophical, dutiful, discreet, intelligent and enthusiastic.

But when panic strikes (at least once a day), you can turn nasty, mean-spirited, disagreeable, bad-tempered, self-righteous, judgmental, quarrelsome, accusing, nervous, anxious and impossible to live with.

You Dogs are born old and get younger as you age. A wrinkled brow is the Dog child’s trademark. A scowl seems built into your taut adolescent features. As a young adult, you shake your head a lot and tsk and cluck at the stupidity and grabbiness of those who run the systems of which you so disapprove. In middle age, you develop a curling sneer which enhances your acid commentaries about everything from the depressing state of the world to wasted resources, drug abuse, war, corruption, and ecological disarray.

After the age of forty-five, you begin to mellow. At fifty you may still complain about the fact that the trains don’t run on time, about the filth and danger in bus stations and parks, or about anything that touches on social reform. But the older you get, the less you take your own snarls and criticisms seriously. When you’re about to retire from your life’s work, you will usually cease tilting at windmills, chasing ways to solve the problems of the poor mindless world, and be satisfied to surrender some portion of your noble ideals in favor of comfort, security and family.

You are an original radical. You profess to care more about humanity than you do about money or power, comfort, success, or intimacy or, more especially, yourself. Because of this strong streak of altruism, you spend much of your time either attempting to do something about injustice or railing because so little can be done.

As a social reformer and minor revolutionary, you are vulnerable to disappointment. You want to believe in the basic goodness of humankind, to champion the causes of the misunderstood, and to help right all wrongs. In this you set yourself up for disaster.

Your social life is often skimpy. As you don’t trifle with primping and feel you should not waste essential time on giddy romance, you will, when possible, skirt all vain activities such as partying and dancing and living it up, in favor of being at home scorning society’s frivolity, attending to duty, and assuming responsibility. You may miss many a chance to meet people, to find yourself a lover, or to surround yourself with friends. But you rarely pamper yourself or indulge in self-improvement schemes or attend image boosting seminars. You’d be happy to limit yourself to hair shirts and cold showers, which you feel are sufficiently hygienic for one and all. You have no time for layabouts who wallow in opulence while millions are starving and dying in Third World countries. You hate politicians (unless you are one) because, for you, they are all corrupt and sold out to the great Gray God of Greed.

Everything is serious. You always try to be sober, thoughtful and sincere. Your profoundest conviction is that life is a purgatory wherein you will never find happiness nor be at peace. You are scorchingly aware that we are all only passing through this grave and ponderous place we like to call our existence. You can never quite figure out what everybody’s getting so excited about when they carp and complain and demand more joy and pleasure from life. You cannot help but see them as poor fools. Yet, you try not to judge them because you really love all humankind and want to believe in Man’s basic goodness. In an indulgent, big-brotherly (yet reproving) way, you adore your fellow man and are especially fond of the underdog.

Although much of your behavior might appear condescending and is frequently performed in a dry spirit, tinged with personal sacrifice, sharp criticism, and self-abnegation, you are truly one of the nicest people alive.

Curmudgeonly? Judgmental? Picky? Punctilious? Yes, all of those. But when someone pets your fur just the right way and massages that favorite spot right under your left ear, you make absolutely the best and most honorable companion on earth. Your touching candor and devotion quite outshine your occasional irascible grouchiness.

Getting to know a Dog is not always easy. At a first meeting you rarely try to be charming, communicative or warm. You may even seem shy. Except for the odd terse, caustic remark, for which you are well known and even feared when confronted by strangers, you tend to step back, remain on guard and keep your own counsel. Of course, once you know someone, you may natter on for hours.

No one will ever catch you napping. You are a watchdog, and you go through your daily life in a perpetual state of defensive vigilance, always on the alert, forever attentive. You are skittishly wary and so highly strung that you jump when the phone rings, snap to attention at the slightest rustle in the next room, and nearly bite off people’s heads when they startle you.

You are a moralizer too. You are not satisfied merely to observe the inequities afoot in the world; you must hold forth on them. The implication is always that the powers that be are trying either to disinform us, to pull the wool over our eyes, to misuse our good faith, to extort more taxes from us, or to keep us from living the way we might choose. You feel strongly that we were all born victims of the rascals in power. Organized society has nothing to offer but chaos. Naturally, then, you assume that it is your duty to keep others apprised of their rights and warn them against believing in hollow promises made by official Santa Clauses.

Lucky for us, you are our champion. We can always count on you to stay abreast of what the system is trying to put over on us. You protect our liberties and try to keep the bigwigs honest. You listen, assess, survey and scrutinize for us.

You hardly ever get involved in revolutions. You are often so disgusted with politics and politicians as to be apolitical. You may even refuse to vote as you find local government so abysmally manipulative and shamefully tax-hungry that it doesn’t seem worth it. Will the Dog run for office or even volunteer to sit on the board? It happens. But as your motives are nobler than most, you will only allow yourself to be elected if you believe there’s a chance you can right some wrongs and initiate reforms.

You find so many things amiss in society that you frequently decide at an early age to steer clear of the whole shebang. You are an enemy of hypocrisy and are intolerant of lying, cheating, stealing and/or compromising your conscience.

As a result of this unwillingness to join ’em if you can’t lick ’em, you nearly always opt to lead the life of a confirmed individualist. You despise the lukewarm attitudes necessary to fit in with your peers. You cannot bear the idea of surrendering your ideals and beliefs to the middle-class dream. This does not mean that people born in Dog years are lie-down-and-go-limp hippies. You are most always correct, solid citizens. But often, you will retreat from the conventional lifestyle and remain aloof, hovering and observing rather than having to sacrifice your uniqueness.

I’m trying to avoid accusing Dogs of pessimism, but you often tend to give voice to the blacker side of the burnt toast. You are born uneasy, anxious and fearful of the unknown. You always think you can feel the bogey man around the next bend. You live in a state of perpetual red alert, apprehensive of every confrontation with the unfamiliar, and worrying yourself silly over what often turns out to be nothing. You bark out a steady stream of warnings to friends and acquaintances about real or imagined impending dangers.

No matter your position in life, you will prefer to maintain a low profile. Your innate reserve is much appreciated by your friends, but among strangers, you may awaken suspicions or raise doubts as to your intentions. You are not always gregarious because you deem natural reserve a protective device.

Integrity is another choice aspect of your character. You never forget people who make you smile, cheer up your day or give you a warm feeling. You are almost self-sacrificingly generous of spirit. When going Dutch, you often pay more than your share. You never forget to bring flowers to a dinner party and most always volunteet to return a favor. You prefer not even to show up at anyone’s door empty-handed. You are not an overly generous gift-giver like the Monkey, nor are you dramatic profferer of obvious gifts like the Dragon or the Tiger. You simply know how to appreciate kindnesses and return them whenever you possibly can.

Sometimes your overdeveloped sense of fairness gets out of control. There is a side to you that is so militantly selfless that it almost stops being fun. For you, your kind of justice is the only justice. That borderline know-it-all attitude can get old very fast.

Although you are self-effacing and can be irritatingly proud, you do remain lucid and try to see yourself objectively. You are also a determined, steady worker and have great powers of concentration. You can turn out mountains of work where others accomplish little. The Chinese claim that hard work is the Dog’s salvation; your labors keep you busy and divert you from constant worrying.

The loss of or rejection by a loved one can terminally upset your composure. More than any other sign, yours requires heavy daily doses of tenderness, kindness, gentleness and love. You do not like to make promises you cannot keep, so you are loath to surrender to love in the first place. You are afraid to commit to marriage or even to being a couple because you don’t feel capable of assuming responsibility for someone else’s feelings. You are, in fact, always hesitant about taking on moral duties that you fear you might not be up to performing. When you do give in to the temptation to love and be loved, you are an angel. You become sensitive and ultra-vulnerable, affectionate and cozy.

Although you may camouflage your feelings behind a ruggedly individualistic stance from which you jokingly protest that you don’t want to be “happily married”, the reason you resist settling down and raising a large family is that you fear both loss and rejection. If and when this fear becomes a reality, you go a little crazy. You enter a relationship where you are the giver and your partner is the taker. The couple muddles along, you giving your all and the other feeling guilty at not being able to measure up to your sense of integrity, your honesty, endurance, and belief in your future together. If one day, the signficant other has an affair or falls gravely ill, you may very well have a nervous breakdown. You cannot help but feel that what happened is your fault. You feel you have failed.

Your mate may explain, swear it will never happen again and/or completely recover, be well again and up and running like clockwork. But for you, the spell has been broken. An affair has been had or an illness threatened you with the loss of your mate. You are crushed and saddened and will not forget for a long, long time.

You might be able to forgive, but you will always fear the idea of insincerity or possible loss. Your love life must be clear-cut. Standards high. People should not become gravely ill or cheat on you as then they seem to be leaving you. You’re a Dog. And when their favorite person tries to leave them, Dogs become depressed, sulky and even sick. You, on the other hand. might cheat on a lover or mate. But for you, it’s not the same. You feel like the victim when you are unfaithful. You have fallen into a trap laid by someone less scupulous than you. Not your fault? Remains to be seen.

Probably your cutest and yet most infuriating trait is your talent for putting your foot in it. The average Dog is that person who blurts out whatever comes onto his or her tongue. That’s the way you talk. Sensitive and touchy you may be, but you aren’t able to edit your own words before you say them. “Wherever did you buy that hideous green wallpaper?” You might comment as you exit the powder room of your friend who has just re-decorated. Dogs are famous for verbal blunders. They mean no harm. But they sometimes blurt and hurt in the same breath.

DOG HEALTH

Dogs are physically lucky. You tend not to be ill very often and rarely suffer from the severely debilitating chronic diseases of youth such as asthma or sinus disorders, diabetes, epilepsy or migraine. And although you are apt to appear older than you are by the age of forty, you act youthful longer, have more pep than your middle-aged peers. You are likely to become more physically active as you age. Later in life, Arthritis is a likely possibility. You will no doubt have rheumatism in some form and may indeed suffer all your adult life from varying degrees of joint pain and its accompanying weaknesses. Your back sometimes locks when you bend over, your knees buckle and send you flying, your ankles are always being sprained and then swelling when it’s damp outside. The remedy for this unfortunate chronic condition is, of course, regular physical exercise performed under the supervision of professionals. You are best advised to visit a chiropractor or osteopath, have deep massages, see acupuncturists and follow the prescriptions of a homeopathic doctor. Chemical medicines and non-natural products upset your fragile system and should be resorted to only in extreme cases where naturopathic organic remedies have failed.

Of course, being as anti-social as you are, you don’t take kindly to the necessity of consulting doctors or going for regular dental check-ups. You resist having tests or submitting to scientific examinations because you have so little respect for the concept of science tinkering with nature, and also because you are so fearful and apprehensive about almost everything. You are sure the practitioner will diagnose some calamitous malady. Either way, I would rather try to teach an Ox to fly than be assigned to get you to go to the doctor, join a gym or take up some simple, healthy, organized sport. Deep down, you firmly believe that Mother Nature will take care of you.

You usually thrive when allowed to follow your natural rhythms. Imposing any artificial schedules or sketchy, anarchic meal plans will upset your equilibrium and may establish negative patterns and undermine your sound metabolic structure.

You are of a compact, hardy nature with tremendous power of endurance. All of this constitutes a natural resistance to harmful environmental influences. Although you may appear rigid and even stiff, when put to the test you are remarkably adaptable. You can psych your spirit and body into “going with the flow” of almost any circumstance. The Chinese say that the Dog’s endurance increases with age. Because of your arthritis, you may not be a very comfortable old person, but you are determined. You are unlikely (and unwilling) to die young.

You have some skin problems. Your nervous tension is so often concealed that it emerges on the surface of the skin. Itching psoriasis, and hives will likely affect you at some point. Your skin is usually dry, chafes or chaps easily, and needs to be pampered.

Even though you claim not to be able to live a single day without taking your ritual shower, vigorous scrubbing with soaps and shampoos is definitely counter-productive. Gentle organic creams and lotion are better for you. Drastic allopathic remedies such as cortisone should be avoided because the long-term side effects can be worse than the dermatitis discomfort itself.

Conditions such as hypotension and arteriosclerosis may cause trouble late in life. The Dog is never really active enough: you tend to prostration when depressed or melancholy, even when you are merely thinking something through. Dogs must be extremely vigilant about the state of blood and lymph circulation. You should have your immune system tested often and watch for the onset of the chronic diseases of old age.

Beware also of the possible early onset of gout. Watch out for stomach disorders, gall bladder or pancreatic ailments. You don’t have a strong digestion. Although you claim to like everything and will gobble almost any food with gusto, you cannot digest rich, greasy food. Like the rest of us, you would be better off without too much fatty meat in your diet. What you need is calcium and lots of vitamins, grains, legumes, and vegetables. Fish and chicken are fine, too. But for good assimilation, meat should be eaten only twice a week.

You don’t know how to handle illness. As you ordinarily push ahead, ignoring warnings and refusing to see doctors until symptoms have become emergencies, you are often surprised and angry when, one day, you can no longer lift your head off the pillow. Being a stoic, however, you are a good patient. You don’t complain a lot and readily learn to accept the discomfort of illness philosophically and with good humor.

Your path to lifetime good health is remarkably straightforward. You must drink enormous quantities of liquid, avoid alcohol and drugs, eat natural foods, rise with the sun and sleep at dusk. You only suffer serious illness and depression when you repeatedly break the simple laws laid down by your ruler, the earth.

Regular sexual activity is essential to your welfare. Nothing is more conducive to chronic joint pain and subsequent seizing up than preventing the flow of natural juices. Of all people, you need regular aerobic movement. You should walk or run, dance or ski, skip, swim or do something vigorous steadily for thirty minutes each day to raise the heartbeat and keep it there till the blood is oxygenated and the energy level has risen. Remember, you can get rusty.

Hard work and movement are your friends. Sometimes you don’t realize this and have to be prodded into action. Dog women must be extra careful not to allow osteoporosis to destroy their bones. Luckily, you tend to be more physically energetic than Dog men but being self-abnegating, you need encouragement to take care of yourself. You generally accept guidance and encouragement from others regarding your exercise program.

Activity also helps keep you from sinking into the quicksand of your own anxiety. One of the most dangerous enemies of your good health is the permanently fluttering banner of panic that lives inside your head. You cannot forget certain painful childhood moments. You cannot put apprehension aside in favor of hope and anticipation. You are constantly on the alert, worried and fearful of dire consequences. Inside your furry head live hundreds of misgivings which pester and fester till you begin to fret: What if this happens? Then that might happen. And if that happens? Then what? A litany of fears ensues, plunging you into a cesspool of anxiety.

You are not totally paralyzed by your fears and doubts. You are brave and courageous. But, because of your desire to carry through no matter what, you will often push on through a task or project in an advanced state of private agitation which can and will eventually make you ill. Need I add that you are often hounded by insomnia? You need utter quiet to sleep well and probably ought not to live in the clangorous city.

DOG COMPATIBILITIES

Dog with Rat

This is a potentially happy marriage. Providing the cards are played fairly, you and the Rat can be more than satisfied in each other’s company. But be prepared for long, heated discussions sorting out political, social and financial differences of opinion.

The materialistic Rat can find it difficult to reason with your generosity. You often give money away to the poor, sometimes forgetting to save enough for the rent. You can’t resist the opportunity to help the needy. Your stability depends on being seen as the philanthropic good guy. Rat does not agree. He’s the hoarder, ravaged by anxiety about savings, unable to understand your puppy-faced, desperate need to give it all away. Disagreements abound.

Because both of you feel deeply passionate about each other, true harmony is possible. Your love is unconditional, offering a gentle cradle for the Rat’s frenetic soul. The happiness you find together in and out of bed will be enhanced by the arrival of scads of kids and pets whom you will nurture and raise together as a team.

Dog with Ox

Don’t expect to bay at the moon out of blind love for an Ox mate. You have polarized goals. Your job, saving the world, is bound to take priority. And the Ox? He or she will be going to bat for a major corporation, grossing 50 per cent of the winnings. You two are so different in your philosophies that battles may ensue.

Despite a gentle, loving nature, you know that this is a Dog-eat-Dog world, yet believe only in justice and equality. You want no part of the Ox’s haughty domineering. You prefer to answer only to the call of the wounded. The Ox believes that charity begins at home and will beg you to leave the world’s problems behind. Both of you might be devout moralizers. But you don’t see eye to eye: you argue about starving children in India, trying to sway the Ox to contribute to the noble cause; the Ox fights for justice at home, complaining that the money used to create a shelter for the homeless last month was really meant to pay for the children’s private school.

Sex between you can be fun! This is the only place where an Ox’s roll over command has clout. You are tickled by the Ox’s relentlessness and brutally frank style in bed, and admire it. This is just an okay marriage. Sexual fireworks and undying passion will not be the things that hold you two very different people together.

Dog with Tiger

Harmony incarnate. You and the Tiger just plain get along. You have common causes and common philosophies. Yet you are very different. The Tiger is overly optimistic, you are pessimistic. Each helps the other to understand these basic character differences.

The Chinese call this pairing a happy alliance of muscle and heart. The Tiger has the strength to put your ideals across to the public. You keep watch and prevent the Tiger from leaping into the wrong frays. You are, simply, a great couple. Harmony reigns right from the start. And because you and the Tiger respect each other’s deepest convictions, mutual admiration sticks you together like super glue.

In bed, the Tiger usually takes the lead, which is felicitous for you because you often need to be thawed out before engaging in any heavy intimacy. With time, you two learn to blend eroticism with affection to achieve physical fulfillment. It is rare that such a marriage ends in divorce.

Dog with Cat

In Chinese astrology, Cat/Rabbits and Dogs traditionally get on with each other. Although sexual intimacy is not the most salient point of contact here, companionship is. Everybody knows how important companionship is to you, the Dog. Cat/Rabbits like to be safe and well housed too. This couple’s marriage is based on profound mutual affection and respect for each other’s opinions and aesthetic choices.

Both you and the Cat/Rabbit have a marked tendency to mood swings. You both are critical and easily discouraged by the realities of everyday life and its various injustices. Although you are the more pessimistic partner, Cat/Rabbits can be testy and crotchety when the chips are down. The Cat/Rabbit’s complicity will be based largely on your mutual mistrust of human nature. Shared cynicism is your consolation for putting up with an imperfect world.

Both parties are dutiful and unafraid of working hard. Money should not be an issue. Mutual participation in professional and paraprofessional projects will lend strength to your union. Your spontaneous expressions of slavering affection might get on the Cat’s taut nerves. But one thing is for sure: the Cat/Rabbit can depend on your loyalty which, in the cautious Cat/Rabbit’s sensitive heart, counts for a lot.

Dog with Dragon

Polarized outlooks might find harmony one day, providing the sex is sensational, but with the Dragon/Dog duo, this is not often the case. According to Chinese astrologers, few relationships are less likely to withstand the test of time. Bickering and barking prevail. However, should your western astrology signs be supremely compatible, the sex might just be torrid and keep you clinging to each other for a lifetime.

You and the Dragon are both full of enthusiasm, energy and vigor. But your styles are so different as to make you near enemies. You hate making a fuss over nothing. Dragons intentionally create daily scenes complete with flames, smoke and noise. Dragons deem your moralizing and pessimism to be downright boring. Dragons live primarily for themselves. You live for others. The Dragon will wish you were a more obedient mate. But you are a freethinking animal and will never buckle under to oppression. While the Dragon boasts of successes, you gloat over his or her resounding failures.

This is not a naturally terrific marriage. But it can work – so long a there is good sex and a definite goal for each party to reach in his or her own way.

Dog with Snake

This partnership is lopsided. We are dealing with two disparate types of people. You are pessimistic, given to depression and worry. Snakes are naturally relaxed, less anxious, and certainly less sarcastic. Sometimes you even mistrust a pet Snake’s charm and will whine and snap about it, criticizing the Snake for both frivolity and an easygoing nature. But basic personality differences do not have to destroy relationships.

You hate society, have few friends, and stay at home a lot. Snakes are just the opposite, yet need a home to go back to after their numerous forays into the big world. Returning to a cozy Dog-style home after imbibing a faceful of society’s cupidity can be refreshing for the sociable Snake. Even though you snarl and threaten, you always forgive, are loyal to a fault, and never waver in your devotion to your loved ones.

Both parties are sensitive to causes, feel strongly about combating injustice, and believe in right over might. This similarity of purpose can serve to harmonize your relationship and round out some potential hard edges.

Trouble is, your sexual needs are very different. You are physically conventional and direct, while the Snake is highly adventurous in bed and enjoys intricate sexual play. The two of you may not clash over this issue, but the Snake may eventually get bored, resume a natural bent for flirting, and irrevocably damage your tender-hearted soul.

Dog with Horse

If the two of you hire a nanny, a housekeeper, a laundress, and a cook, you can establish a very sound love relationship. Both of you are effective, active, project-oriented people. Neither is enchanted by a career as a house drudge or nose-wiper, staying at home waiting for the other to appear.

The Horse is characteristically profligate with money. He or she gambles away ressources and takes chances others would not. This risky trait fills your anxious heart with fear. The Horse hates to be reminded of profligacy but you cannot keep quiet for long. Many a dispute will ensue.

As harmony reigns in your bedroom, the two of you usually end up being friends after vibrant lovemaking sessions wherein each lavishes pleasure on the other. You are giving and the Horse is loving. It’s a good sexual match.

The lovemaking should be great, but what will ultimately hold this pair together is a deep respect for each other’s integrity. You are mutually honorable people with a refined sense of sociability. Time will round off whatever sharp angles the two of you encounter. A durable, solid relationship is assured.

Dog with Goat

Not much love is lost between the two of you. You are all moral standard and high-mindedness, while the Goat’s ideals often begin and end with where the next meal is coming from. Goats are on the side of the person carrying the wallet. You deplore pandering, but Goats know no other way of life. Unless you decide to shoulder the burden of changing a poor misunderstood Goat (whom you believe to be a hidden genius), you will be two very different people going in opposite directions.

You like things to be clear, just and fair. The Goat doesn’t even know what those terms mean. Goats are dreamers whose ephemeral plans often go up in smoke. You dream too, but your dreams are anchored in concrete and seek real solutions to real problems.

Goats, of course, love sex and favor open relationships wherein they have full freedom. You wouldn’t think of being disloyal. You may stray, but only for a minute or two. To you, devotion and loyalty come first. To the Goat, blind devotion and loyalty are for fools who don’t know which side of their bread is buttered. It would be too optimistic to expect harmony from this essentially unbalanced romantic equation.

Dog with Monkey

You are a blazing idealist. The Monkey lives for the opportune moment. You may well meet up and fall in love when engaged in a social struggle together. Each possesses qualities lacking in the other. Although this might make you seem perfectly matched, it takes more than dovetailing qualities to make two such impervious individualists communicate. Each of you is so accustomed to living on your own wavelength that you have real trouble shifting gears to make yourselves understood to someone on another plane. The remedy is talk. The two of you must sit and discuss for hours, days and months before you reach an understanding. You have to give up blurting nasty remarks, and the Monkey must accept being tethered at least part of the time.

Although you can be guilty of it, you don’t take kindly to philandering. But the Monkey like sexual freedom. The Monkey seems carefree and you are laughably frustrated. Being of basic good intention, if you wish to stay together, the two of you can work out a harmonious sex life together. This relationship’s harmony is possible but will not be won without effort.

Dog with Rooster

Incompatibility reigns supreme in this couple. You and the Rooster are equally flinty and raw-nerved. You are forever blurting criticism and bruising the egos of those around you. Roosters are cocky but deeply unsure of themselves. One yelp from you can depress the Rooster for days.

Do the two of you fight? You never stop backbiting, carping, and bickering over details. You don’t agree on anything. You are classically left wing, kindly and trustworthy. The Rooster is a born conservative. Your home life together is a constant push-me pull-you of unrest. You think mismatched dishes will do nicely. The Rooster wants designer china and crystal glasses on an heirloom table.

The Rooster demands more and more varied sex than you have to give. Roosters need to puff up their egos and preen their feathers. You couldn’t care less what the Rooster looks like in bed. You feel sex rather than performing it. Besides, you are slightly conservative. You don’t believe one should overindulge in pleasure. Best advice: leave the Rooster/Dog love relationship alone.

Dog with Dog

Seriousness anxiety could cloud the union between two Dogs who want to live together as a team. There exist, of course, areas of mutual understanding regarding causes and social ills, justice and humanitarian issues. But your abrasive Dog personalities and incessant caustic remarks could make pain the order of the day.

There is some reciprocity here. There are, after all, many breeds of Dog. One type of Dog will always help the other with everything from grocery shopping to projects. There are few, if any, artificial barriers about who is male or female and which tasks befit either. You both have respect for each other’s time and understand your partner’s desire to be effective in the world.

Trouble crops up in this relationship because of an age-old enemy – boredom. Both of you will be hyper-puritanical, chronically anxious, guarded, skeptical, cynical, critical, and lacking in joy and lightheartedness. Life around the Dog house could be gloomy. Stodgy moralities will be the rule rather than the exception. Self-righteousness will be knee-deep. But if one of you happens to be a Labrador and the other a Doberman, maybe a certain barking order will be established and the two of you can make a go of it.

There is not much natural chemistry between Dog born people, so the act of love may be healthful but unimaginative. Intimacy frightens Dogs so the two of you would have to work very hard at reassuring each other of your mutual good intentions. This marriage can work, but it will require frequent revisions and even overhauls in order to last.

Dog with Pig

Intimacy between you and the Pig promises great enduring love, respect and passion. The two of you are complementary in thought and feeling. You both believe in the basic good of humankind. You both love the countryside and adhere to sanity as a fine way to live.

Mind you, there are some basic differences to contend with. Pigs love opulence while you couldn’t care less about luxury. Pigs tend to be conservative; you are liberal. Pigs are sensualists and love a good dirty story. You, however, are offended by open ribaldry.

But all these differences get worked out between you because you are each willing to respect and even admire the other’s individual tastes and preferences. You love the cozy security Pig provides, and the generous Pig sees your politically active friends as perfect guests.

The Pig may at first be flummoxed by your seeming sexual indifference. But Pigs have clever (sometimes devious) ways of getting people’s attention, and will always find a way to your Doggy heart. Pigs are infinitely patient. They know how to bide their time and cajole until they get what they want and need out of you. Providing you husband and promote your mutual talent for goodwill, the two of you can be blissfully content for a very long time.

DOG FUTURES

What the Dog should expect from the twelve Chinese animal years:

2006, 2018 The Dog Year

Oh, happy day! This year you will feel as though you have won the lottery, hit the jackpot and beaten the devil all at once. The time has come, Doggie dear, for you to shine. Your past efforts have not been for naught. Humanity begins to benefit from your intense belief in the basic good. Be careful. Don’t let success go to your head. Slacking off is not possible for you, ever, but on your days off, you will be able to bask in the light of progress, made because of your outstanding show of dogged perseverance. Enjoy this year. You have earned it.

2007, 2019 The Pig Year

The Pig and you are friends. The Pig is a peaceable fellow whose aim in life is to find good taste and opulence at the end of the rainbow. His influence is salutary for you. This year, after a busy year as king of the kennel, you will finally feel free to relax, lay down your periscopes, telescopes and microscopes for a while, and think about poetry or rosebushes. Take this opportunity to build yourself a pastoral environment. Rural investment is favored in Pig years. Even a log cabin without running water can be comforting when the tensions of your “other life” grow too hectic and your nerve endings are frayed.

2008, 2020 The Rat Year

The Rat year is always materialistic. You feel left out. You deplore power-grubbers who try to take over every school picnic and want to run things their way. The feeling is not exactly mutual because ambitious Rats are not threatened by your bark. But you and the Rat are very separate kinds of people. You’ll lose momentum if you stay around, so why not take a trip to Hawaii, or run away and join the circus? Next year will suit you better.

2009, 2021 The Ox Year

Lie low, Doggie. Go to your room and study old manuscripts about revolution or unusual religions. The Ox does not always look with favor on your boundless enthusiasm. In fact, it incenses him. Oxen are tradition-happy. If things are moving along a given, acceptable path, Oxen see no reason to intervene or make changes. You are always on the lookout for ways to change the established order. You troubleshoot every experience before embarking on it. You worry all the time. Such elevated aims strike the Ox as naive, self-righteous claptrap. It’s Oxxy’s year. Don’t make waves.

2010, 2022 The Tiger Year

Your projects, reforms and political transformations are welcomed by the turbulent Tiger. His year is yours. He’s happy to have you by his side as he carries out his own sundry coups d’etat. He hates the night and is disoriented in the dark. Your perpetual barking warns him against intruders who would take advantage of this. You are the happy henchman of the Tiger year. Enter into battle head high. Your projects are favored. Your love life takes a turn for the better as well, but be careful not to believe everything you hear. Sift through details before making a commitment.

2011, 2023 The Cat/Rabbit Year

The beginning of the year will be difficult for you. You’ll first feel resistance around February and it will last until mid-April. Then, as the Cat/Rabbit wakes up to the idea that you are not an enemy, he will raise the toll gate and let you into his inner sanctum. He may even ask you to become his advisor. The upholstered chaise-longue manner of business in Cat/Rabbit years rankles with your sense of what is proper. You scorn society’s niceties and disparage frills. Don’t speak out too vehemently. You might disturb a napping Cat/Rabbit. Learn to tiptoe and things will turn in your favor. Cat/Rabbit years are beneficial to your sentimental life. If the idea pleases you, get married or move in with someone significant. The time is favorable for all longstanding relationships.

2012, 2024 The Dragon Year

Turbulent Dragon years frazzle your nerves. As if the noise and brouhaha weren’t enough, Dragons steal the spotlight and take it home with them. These are the years in which you feel that, no matter how hard you try, you cannot make progress on your own terms. Don’t creep away or pout. Listen. Heed the Dragon’s wisdom. For all his showing off, the Dragon is a soothsayer, a sage and a master of the political scene. When the party is over and the fireworks die to an ember, you will remember and act on his words.

2013, 2025 The Snake Year

Upheaval in Snake years is the rule rather than the exception, and although you don’t despise political turmoil, you will not enjoy the subterfuge this year demands. Snakes are philosophizing humanitarians. They admire your zeal in attempting to improve the world’s lot. They have no bones to pick with you. But if you are too much underfoot, the Snake’s patience will wane and he may strike you down. Keep your campaigns and crusades moving, stay in the background, and above all, don’t ask for handouts. Snakes hate spending money on necessities.

2014, 2026 The Horse Year

As though you needed any more, this year may foist a heavy dose of anxiety on your already fraught nature. Something gives you pause about the intensity of the Horse character – his intractable, tenacious, self-satisfied nature, perhaps? You will doubt your own objectives and wonder if the path you have chosen is the right one. This uneasiness makes you shift policies rather often and puts your determination in question. The Horse likes you and is your friend, but your altruistic ideas seem trite and naive to him. You may feel as though you’re chasing your own tail, getting nowhere fast. Your finances, however, will improve in this period.

2015, 2027 The Goat Year

You are not a fan of insecurity. The Goat’s gamboling uncertainties throw your equilibrium into a tizzy. As you are highly charged most of the time, on the alert for danger and intrigue, the general instability of the Goat year may disrupt your sleeping habits. Don’t be tempted to take sleeping potions or drink yourself into dreamland. Pull back, stay safely inside your cozy kennel, and watch the flowers grow. If you have a creative or artistic bent, the Goat year will be perfect for improving your flair. Put your time to good use by practicing the piano or guitar. Write some protest songs.

2016, 2028 The Monkey Year

This year is propitious for courageous gamblers, but this is hardly a classic description of your character. Nevertheless, this is a fine year for you to make a fresh start. Luck will shine on an area of your life which has been failing, possibly finance. Try investing in an unusual business or take a chance on expanding your horizons in geographical locations you wouldn’t have dared set a paw in before. This year offers opportunities for you if you are not shy or wishy-washy. Your heart has been in the right place for long enough. It’s high time you stuffed a few coins in your purse.

2005, 2017 The Rooster Year

You will naturally bridle at the conservatism you see everywhere around you. The Rooster year is not a time for making progress with your crusades for feeding the poor, adopting orphans or bestowing luxury apartments on homeless people. The Rooster year is the time for scratching out a living in the desert. You, Doggie, are talented at finding ways to survive. But you hate the fact that, this year, nobody agrees with your bleeding heart schemes and cynical politics. Give your idealism a year off. Concentrate on work. Save for next year when you, Puppy, will finally be king!
YOUR CHINESE SIGN AND ELEMENTS

In Chinese Astrology, there are five elements: Wood Fire,
Earth, Metal, and Water. Each governs an animal sign
once throughout the sixty-year Chinese “century”. There
are therefore sixty different basic character types
in Chinese Astrology. You were born in the year of …

THE FIRE DOG

1886 David Ben-Gurion, Al Jolson, Charles Ruggles, Edward Everett Horton, Lilian Fontaine, Ty Cobb, Joyce Kilmer, Al Green

1946 Sally Field, Liza Minelli, Patty Duke, Marianne Faithfull, Donovan, Rainier Fassbinder, Chantal Goya, Diane Keaton, Tyne Daley, Donald Trump, Ron Silver, Leslie Ann Warren, Gregory Hines, Timothy Dalton, Talia Shire, Cher, Freddy Mercury, Connie Chung, Oliver Stone, Susan Sarandon, Sylvester Stallone, Ben Vereen, Rock Brynner, Bill Clinton, David Lynch, Sandy Duncan, Karen Silkwood, John Heard, Ronnie Lane, Hayley Mills, John Waters, Candice Bergen, Lesley Gore, George W. Bush, Kim Carnes, Linda Ronstadt, Paul Schrader, Ron Silver, Kenneth Starr, King Sunny Ade, Barry Gibb, Tommy Lee Jones, Billy Preston, Richard Carpenter, Pat Sajak, Suzanne Somers, Duane Allman, Ted Bundy, Laura Bush, Judy Woodruff, Jimmy Buffet, Uri Geller, Patti Smith, Gianni Versace, Dian von Furstenberg

You will not sit patiently mute and handsome on your family’s hearth. You are enthusiastic. Your native ebullience and ingenuousness lend an attractive, childlike quality to a high spirited personality. Others like and trust you instantly. Exuberance is the best word to describe your bouncy self.

Because you are so sincere, earnest even, people want to listen, to be drawn into your sweetness, and to be entertained by your artlessness. Your logic is so innocent and unsophisticated that we wish it could always be correct. You are straightforward and you are feisty, but your opinions are often naive and beside the point. Your virtuous arguments are adorably full of holes. But everybody loves you anyway.

You are an ardent supporter of your own dream world. You can become a solitary crusader for righteous but rather simplistic causes. Because your acquaintances are usually more cynical and resigned to the dangers and intricacies of the real world, you have difficulty attracting disciples. Despite frequent failure to arouse enthusiastic support for your ideals, you persevere. You believe in your dreams. In fact, your castles in the air are what get you out of bed in the morning. Every day, you hope and plan for a better world. You are a courageous idealist who will charge forth into the fray and fight hard for what you believe in. We are lucky to have you among us – most of the time.

Sometimes, before you have a chance to swim far enough upstream, you become discouraged by the hard truths you have to face to reach your goal. People you thought were on your side let you down. Cynical lovers repeatedly rain on your romantic ideals. Dirty politics have enraged you too many times. You hate to fail, yet fail you often do. Even before you are defeated, you may throw up your paws and (worst case scenario) turn to drink, drugs, overeating or some other unhealthy pursuit to dull the pain of loss and rejection.

Although you indulge yourself in your own faults, you haven’t much time for those of your cohorts. You have a hard time mastering your recalcitrant spirit or pulling your act together to discipline your own behavior. Hence, you are a sitting duck for addictive bad habits and must keep a vigilant eye on your febrile state of mind. When you’re angry with the world, you cease to want to control yourself and may sulk or find fault with everything and everyone around you. Of course, as you are a Dog, you still want to remain loyal to your friends and go on believing in their basic good faith, so you often live in an atmosphere of emotional ambivalence. This seesawing back and forth in your heart creates inner conflict and pain for you. And the suffering sets you up for additional self-indulgent pain-killing activity.

You could be a terrific critic, editor, troubleshooter, or advisor. You can pinpoint a flaw and find the chink in almost any armor. But no matter how hard you try, sometimes you cannot see your own faults objectively. You may criticize “fat” or “lazy” or “drunk” people all around you, but when you look in the mirror, your own paunch or slothfulness or heavy drinking habits miraculously disappear. You admire the grace of a well-dressed person and want to appear attractive yourself, but you are often stumped about fashion. You feel awkward in modish clothes and may even disdain stylish dressing, arguing vociferously against trendiness or fads.

Sour grapes? Not really. It’s more of an “I don’t give a damn” attitude, resulting from feeling left out, misunderstood and furious with the human race.

Although you often suffer from bad temper and temporary despondency, you never seem depressed. You are ever-cordial, and your good manners issue directly from an honest sense of altruism and love of humanity.

You are an ambitious self-starter and will work harder than most people to get and stay ahead of the pack. Your only real enemies are your boiling passion, your inability to control your reactions to wrong-doing, and your unfortunate tendency to sputter, bluster and grouch.

Because you are essentially modest, your public anger is short lived. You are considerate of others and would be embarrassed to be accused of making dramatic scenes. Nonetheless, rancor burrows deep into your heart and confounds your capacity for forgiveness.

Your memory for detail is extraordinary. Yet your memory, like so much of the rest of your make-up, is largely based on emotional response. You recall the day you were not tucked in and remember being deprived of sweets or Mommy didn’t kiss you good night. You tend to recall the negatives. But the good times somehow elude you.

As your hypersensitivity causes you to feel things so deeply, you frequently absorb the darkest aspects of any experience. By adulthood, the pain may have become unbearable and you may emerge as a crackerjack pessimist. You must, of course, combat this tendency to view everything negatively and should surround yourself with peaceful, positive, upbeat people whose sensitivities harmonize with yours. You should also live in pastoral surroundings so that gracious Mother Nature will always be available to soothe your fragile nervous system. If you persist in accumulating negative vibes, by the time you are 35 you may end up with a classic clinical depression on your hands. Therapy helps. Don’t knock it. Do it.

You do not choose compromise easily. You should steer clear of competitive, political or commercial activities. You are not especially gifted for diplomacy or tricky negotiation because you have difficulty with both cupidity and halfway measures.

Healthy professions for you include medicine or education, literature or music. Though the murky vicissitudes of show business may test your basic good nature, you are gifted for interpretive speech and can make an excellent career in the theater. Behind-the-scenes jobs suit you: you will make an excellent investigative journalist or private detective. Law or government, providing you are not called on to negotiate deals, give you fine opportunities to hold forth on causes and utilize your reformer instincts.

In love, you tend to consider yourself the dominant party. You are, however, usually neither forward nor pushy in love situations. You are a wary sort and constantly watch for signs of defection in your loved one. In bed and out, you like to be teased and seduced. Once in love, you are tender and sensual. Your worried, yet childlike, exterior doesn’t even hint at the uninhibited sexuality you can unleash when properly stimulated. You are not intentionally unfaithful, but you are often sorely tempted to stray. You are a natural born love bug who needs constant reassurance.
Chinese Signs for Men

Males and Females behave differently. Below is the
gender specific description of your Chinese sign:

MALE DOG

You may be the Earth’s best friend. You consider man to be the planet’s very worst enemy. Hounded by what you feel is the perpetual imposition of societal invention in the form of vapid mores, empty laws and unjust justice, you live out your life as though it were a sort of purgatory, a place for doing penance and committing acts of contrition, a mere pit stop on the way to the victory of death where, at last, repose and true justice will free you from intense daily anxiety.

Don’t infer even a smidgeon of piety from this image: you are a skeptic. You doubt and suspect every tenet of every ‘ism’ known to man. The dogma of organized religion doesn’t tempt your cynical nature. You hold an eternal and tiresome conviction that everything and everyone you meet in a day’s struggle will be at least partly false, and that nothing is 100% virtuous, least of all yourself! Everything must be sniffed before it can be enjoyed. Before partaking of any pleasure large or small, you want to probe and scrutinize, inspecting every last detail for possible flaws.

The result of this stubborn sniffing-the-lamp-post attitude is near extinction of spontaneity. You definitely do not like surprises.

Even your physical appearance shows how uneasy you feel. Your gait, for example, is awkward. You stoop slightly, as if you carry the burdens of the world on your bony shoulders. Although you purport to project a self-effacing, quiet male image, your gestures, commentary, and head movements are usually quick and nervous. Although you feel this tentative manner and clumsy appearance are unsatisfactory , you don’t often know what to do about it. You are so unprepossessing that even if you are born gorgeous, you may err on the side of oafishness. Your shyness is pervasive – even tangible – and you don’t really know what to do about it.

You are probably tall and rangy, but even if you are small of stature, you’re likely to be bony and slight of build. Though in middle age you may grow slightly paunchy, it is not in your make-up to become and remain fat. Your hands are often gnarled, your shoulders narrow, and your facial features pronounced and distinctive. You are rarely forgettable.

Frequently, you present a droopy countenance. The longing and anxiety you feel in your heart shows on your face. The fears and doubts are visible in the wrinkles around the eyes, the furrowed brow, the tense mouth. Your hair is thick and luxurious in youth, but becomes thinner as you age. A tendency to early balding is common.

You frown on frivolous overspending. You are far from stingy but have strong reservations about wasting money on things of inferior quality. When you do spend, you insist on buying top-drawer, sturdy, well-designed, handsome items of impeccable authenticity, designed to outlast Methuselah. You generally have sober, conservative tastes and instinctively know a good thing when you see one.

Although you are sometimes abrasive and picky, you are profoundly affectionate. You may not splash romantic Valentines around, but you can be counted on to provide that little bit of extra attention women are so fond of. Being an expert critic, you unfailingly notice every detail of your partner’s new appearance. In certain love unions this critical trait is most appealing; in others, less so. Dogs don’t like to lie.

You are eager to please but not brilliant at gauging the degree of your enthusiasm. Think of a big yellow Labrador retriever greeting you when you get home every night, leaping at your middle, pawing your trousers and slurping at your cheeks. You may do a similar welcoming performance for your lovers when they are least expecting it. Then, when the they resist or cry, “Hey, down, Rover!” you may feel rejected, dejected and unloved.

Dismissal is the archenemy of your virility. You see ladies as dauntingly, impenetrably scary. The result is that the you frequently end up alone, settling for the state of bachelorhood rather than risk rejection. If ever you do decide to surrender to the rigors of a long-term love relationship, you can be counted on 150 per cent. You are loyal and true, dutiful, protective, and a good provider. Your commitment to love is a pledge of the highest caliber.

What you lack in imagination in bed, you make up for in enduring affection. Tenderness and caring are second nature to you. You may bring your lover presents or breakfast in bed, but, being of a more critical “Your hair looks a sight!” nature, you probably won’t deafen her with compliments.

Underneath that detached, hesitant exterior, beneath the reserve, beats the heart of a lusty young puppy. Courtship will be all yours, and once someone captures your love, you will follow her anywhere. You will also demand the same constant loyal devotion in return. You can be jealous and possessive and, if betrayed, you feel beaten and desperate and sad.

Justice, justice, justice. You would make a superb lawyer, extra-fair judge, and marvelous political leader. But public careers demand almost too much of you. You cannot abide the dishonesty or hypocrisy that makes all forms of government life go round. You are best off in professions requiring humanity. Fund raising, charity leadership, social work and alternative healing will suit you down to the ground. You can also be a writer or own a bookshop, and you make a dedicated teacher. You’re not good at jobs that require duplicity or hype. A used-car salesman you are not.

You know how to do your time, keep your own counsel and get on quietly with your work. You can do almost anything, but your remarkable determination and ability to concentrate on one thing for a long time makes you good at research projects. As a born analyst, you make a good critic of anything from theater to fashion. You might also try medicine or psychiatry; although you will be impatient with snivelers, you are basically kindly.

Your scientific capacities are excellent, too, and you understand philosophy. You are strongly attached to the earth and the past, so anything to do with either will suit your needs perfectly. You could be a farmer, a hunter, a geologist, an anthropologist or even an archeologist, as long as you run your own show.

You work best alone. You like to make your own rules and follow them to the letter. A single partner would be fine but working in groups or on teams doesn’t suit your independent nature. Solitude doesn’t worry you. You can amuse yourself with a piece of string.

You are usually neither visionary nor poet. What you lack in metaphysics, you make up for in creative excellence at fields such as architecture or theater direction, design or sculpture. You need a practical result. You are wedded to the concrete in life.

You are not greedily ambitious. You enjoy reaching a plateau and can usually achieve a healthy personal gain. Yet you don’t really care about money. Of course, you use and like using money, but you can also lose it. Either way it’s all the same to you. Living comfortably and protecting your territory and family is important to you. But if that same responsibility means being a lifelong slave to commerce, you’re usually not interested. You make a good, nurturing father. You are a non-invasive, non-egotistical leader type. Your mission in life is to serve and protect, to watch and warn us of danger and perfidy. You love intensely and have respect for your partner’s well-being. You are not grabby or warlike. You don’t take what isn’t yours. You are kind and liberal. Occasionally you may cut someone to the quick with a razor-sharp remark, but aside from that annoying little quirk, you wouldn’t hurt a flea.